I Snark Because I Care

Let me just get right to the reasons for my snarking.

Reasons One through Five: I have a cold and I have no idea where it came from. I have been a good girl this winter and have worn my woolen hat and wool/alpaca blend scarf EVERY DAY, even the warmish ones! I have taken my vitamins, have been drinking LOTS of water (okay, and beer, but still! lots of water!), and have diligently sanitized my hands and the gym equipment every time I use them (both hands and gym equipment). FROM WHENCE CAME THIS EVIL PLAGUE??!

I had to take Monday and Tuesday off work, went in yesterday and today and moved, as my Grandma would say, slower than molasses in January due to all the snot sloshing around in my noggin (yes, I'm being disgusting). And I have to go in one more day this week. One. More. Day. I don't think I can make it.

To top that off, I'm taking this lovely concoction



and it says it doesn't contain alcohol, but I think they're lying. Unless they are using alcohol-flavored non-alcohol. Ponder that one for a minute.

Reason Number Six: My camera is beyond being a jackass at this point. Now it's just taunting me. I finally got my shit together (yes, I'm swearing) to post on the DeStash Blog, wound up all this yarn I want to sell or swap, and took pictures of it. In natural light. For I hate myself and want to make my life harder. Of course.



Can you tell what that is? Through the horizontal-blind-like madness of my camera's fiendish gaze? It's mohair, kiddies, and it looks pretty craptacular.

Reason Number Seven: I still haven't figured out how to knit by using only my brain, so progress on all projects has been slow, much like the proverbial molasses in January. Although I did rip out the bottom to the to-be-felted tote and cast on fewer stitches, as it was way too big initially. So, does that count as progress or not?

And I know I should find seven things to be happy about, as is my wont, but I am so cranky about wanting to feel better (it's lovely, really, to see a grown woman whinge about like a toddler with a toothache. Shame you aren't all here.) that it's hard to see the happy things.

Really hard. I'm in massive hate with the whole world right now.

Seriously.

Okay, fine. I'm really not that cranky and I do in fact have a heart that could be compared to marshmallow fluff and not granite. Witness:

Happy Thing One and Thing Two: The needle cases I ordered from granny's closet came today and made me smile all big, through my snot. They are pretty and perfect and well-made with love and care.


Circular needle case, holds nine.


Double-pointed needle case, holds eleven sets.

Happy Thing Three: My neighbor gave me this anerable bumper sticker, and she left it stuck to my door in a sneakily fun way, and it made me laugh out loud. And then cough.



Happy Thing Four: I'm wearing my travelling garden gnome pajamas,


from Wanda and Heath, from two Christmases ago. Thank you.

Happy Thing Five: We watched The Protector (a.k.a. Tom Yum Goong) last night, and it was the most amazing kung-fu movie I have ever seen and I now have a love for Tony Jaa that knows no bounds and if you don't see it there will be a hole in your heart and you will weep. There were three distinct fight scenes during which Nick said "this is the best fight I've ever seen." Story, not fantastic. Fight scenes, freaking amazing.

Happy Things Six and Seven: More Ghirardelli Intense Dark Twilight Delight 72% Cacao chocolate, because he feels bad that I feel sickly. Good lord I love this man.

Okay, now that I have proven my ability to find some good in this world, you have to spread the cheerful love and tell me at least one thing that has made you happy this week. C'mon. Help a sickie out.

The Rule of Sevens, Christmastime Edition

See the previous Rule of Sevens posts here and here, know that the lists don't always make it to seven, and be warned: High Snark Content.

I Totally Despise These Things
1. Shopping for pants. I hate shopping for anything that goes on my lower half, but mostly it's the trousers and pants that make me insane. Mostly it's because my lower half is bigger than I think it is, or ought to be, or was last year. But it's also because there exist only three pairs of pants on this whole entire planet that would fit me, and none of them are located in Northern Illinois.

2. The Illinois Secretary of State's Office. This has nothing to do with Christmas, except they are screwing us at this most wonderful time of the year. They won't give us our title because there is a discrepancy between the mileage on the previous title (Nick's Grandma to his Grandpa) and the mileage on the current title. When Grandpa got the title, he was on his way to dementia and mis-read 12,478 as 42,478. When we got the car from Grandpa at 14,500 we filled out the required mileage discrepancy form, had a police officer verify that the mileage was in fact 14,500, and sent in the form with all our other paperwork (and a check for $237). The IL Sec'y of State's Office sent us back everything except the mileage discrepancy form, and told us we couldn't have the title. Our plates expire sometime in January, and we don't have a title so we can't get our plates (despite the reassurances of Marion The Phone Lady that she's sure we'll get our plates with no problem at all).

3-5. Being poor, or "just starting out." We decided not to give anyone any presents this year, to keep our finances financed, and we felt pretty crappy about it.

6. These extra 10 pounds that just sit here, mocking me.

7. Stupid, self-centered relatives.

I Am Decidedly Enamored Of These Things
1. Being home for the holidays.

2. Seeing or talking to friends over the holidays. Wooohoo!

3-5. Generous relatives.

6. My husband. He listened to me bitch about a headache one day last week and gave me what I wanted -- a refrigeratable gel eye mask. Even though we weren't giving each other presents.

7. My very clean apartment, awaiting Femiknitter's visit -- less than 12 hours away! Yippee!

The Rule of Sevens, which today is the Rule of Fours

I try to find balance when I complain about crappy things by thinking of an equal number of happy things. Sometimes the happy things distract me from the crappy things. Try it. It may improve your mood. Maybe.

And the number seven came out of nowhere, except that was the number of things I was bitching about the first time I tried this. And it's four today, because I am tired. See #1 immediately below.

I Can Certainly Live Without These Things
1. This chest cold. I started to type out a description of my experience with this cold, but even I got grossed out. So, I have this chest cold and it completely sucks.

2. This grey, gloomy weather. The lighting is no good for taking yarn pictures.

3. The fact that -- after 26 years of working as a team -- my left eye is now worse than my right eye, lens-prescription-wise. When I got glasses for the first time back in 6th grade, my eyes were the same prescription. They've continued working well together (and saving me money, because when I lost one contact lens, I could just use one from another set and not have to worry about which eye it belonged to) for 14 years, until last week. Then the left one went all wonky. The sinister bastard.

4. My apartment ... well, I suppose I need it for the shelter and all, but damn is it feeling small right now. And dirty (not its fault -- I've been sick and Nick and I have both been busy). And annoying (I challenge you to get anything out of my microwave or nearby cupboards without hitting your head on the stove hood). And small. Quite, quite small. Not designed to hold all our stuff. Sigh.


I Cannot Live Without These Things
1. Wendy Bernard's new pattern Sahara (over at StitchDiva). I am more than a bit smitten with this sweater. I'm ignoring the fact that the blurb says it's an intermediate project, because in my brain I *am* an intermediate knitter, not a mere new-to-sweaters, can't-finish-anything kinda knitter. I will make this sweater, as [insert deity here] is my witness!

Seriously, this thing is beeeyoooteeful and it calls to me with a sweet, sweet voice made of silk and candy. Because I have a hundred other projects on the needles/hooks (in various stages of construction) I'll have to wait on this one, but that just gives me time to dream and lose weight. Perfect!!

2. Classic Elite's Tweed Four (booklet 9078). I have an unhealthy need to make the cover sweater (the brown one with cabley goodness on the chest above the boobal area), possibly in a pretty, deep red. I showed the pattern to Nick and he made the "ehhn" face and said "I don't like the twisty things." You mean the cables? The beautiful cables? The design feature to which I have pledged my very life? "Um, yes?" No, silly beloved man, no. You may not dislike those cables, for they are the essence of all that is good upon this earth.

3. Myrna by White Lies Designs. This is another perfect sweater, although I see a stripe-free and longer sleeve on this sweater in my future. The sweater is great, but I think the stripes create a bit of a target, look-RIGHT-here effect and that's something I can really do without, to be honest. We don't need to draw attention that much. The design is beautiful, and simple, and tres 1940s, and oh yes it is also MADE WITH RIBBING. We have discovered the true root of my obsession.

4. Lizard Ridge by Laura Aylor in the last Knitty. My first thought when I saw this pattern was, for some reason, "ehhn." Probably because it's an afghan and knitting something as large as an afghan intimidates the bejeezus right out of me. But as I kept looking at it (because I return to websites that haven't changed to stare at the pretty pictures. What?), it grew on me like ... something growy that isn't disgusting (I'll think of something in a minute). I love the bright colors and how they go together, I love the wavy stitch pattern, I love the fact that it's made of blocks and therefore (a) is portable and (b) can be worked over a long time. Because the thought of going out and purchasing 21 balls of Noro Kureyon right now makes me break out in hives. But I can do one at a time, and perhaps convince my Mom &/or Nick that Noro makes a great stocking-stuffer.

Time for a Seven and Seven

The rule of sevens. Invoked when I can't think of anything better to do.

Seven Things That Sucked About Today
1-4. Work
5. CornFest moving into town (last year's observations here)
6. College kids moving into town
7. Heartburn (caused by the medication for the Rash of Doom, which has subsided so I stopped taking the medication yesterday. And yet.)

Seven Things That Brightened Up Today
1. Yarn arrivals (see below)
2. Wee lads visiting (and mom Heather, too)
3. Calling Beloved at work and, when asked who is calling, saying "this is his wife"
4. Waking up early enough to have breakfast
5. My brother-in-law has a new blog
6. The weather is pleasant and conducive to knitting
7. I taught a co-worker how to knit while on our breaks

Sock yarn from Fearless Fibers (550 yds of sock yarn. For $14.50, people. And I suspect she has a catapult for use in shipping, because the yarn got here faster than a greased pig, as my granny would say. I would say, "faster than the post office at its usual glacial pace") in the Kildare colorway. I will knit it into happy socks (cables?) in the drears of February.




Recycled rayon from The Wool Peddler. The tricksy part is, it looks just like silk, but it's cheaper! And often the yardage is better! (Give me a break, I have to celebrate the vegan aspects of my life where I can.)

This will be throw pillows for the couch. The Beloved isn't crazy about the color 'splosion, but I am, and I'm the knitter. So therefore I get to have them and he must deal with it. I stick my tongue out to anyone who disagrees.



My latest KnitPicks haul. Two skanks of the Bare sockweight superwash/nylon -- for to begin my dyeing project soon. (I have a specific colorway in mind, but have no idea how to carry it out. I must consult the oracles.) ... two skanks of Essential in Burgundy for (possibly) the Baudelaire socks, because they call to me so ... assorted sock-size KnitPicks dpns, in all their pointy glory.




And now it's time for a cold one. Tragically, we have neither "Seven" necessary for tonight's theme drink. I'll have to make do with silver rum and pineapple juice. Darnit.

Quick blog-reader survey: what is your favorite summer drinky drink? Post answers in comments, s'il vous plait. Merci!