I went tanning tonight (gasp! faint! horror! what? tanning? yes!) and learned something about myself in the process.
(Don't you just love these heartwarming after-school-special-type beginnings? Gag. Yes--I went a wee bit overboard on the cheezeball factor. Life is cheezey in spots. Whatever.)
Okay. So, tonight was my first time tanning. I was waiting in line to sign up and get my splendid dark spectacles, completely surrounded by college-age women, all blonde and thin and already tan, and I felt like it was my first day of school or something. I'm 5'6" and 160 lbs (which is 15 to 20 more than I weighed in college) and have been working in a basement with flourescent lighting for the past two years. I am not at my spiffiest. Sigh. Soldier on.
I get to a room with a plastic bed (or time machine, if you watch Family Guy) and the dude kind of rushes through the spiel and I ask a question and he sort of answers before he dashes back to the desk to deal with the other people in line (for we must get our post-spring break tans. Yes.) So I strip down (I'm naked in semi-public! Dear god!) and climb into the bed and push the button and the blue lights go on and I've got my eyes firmly shut with the splendid dark spectacles over them and I'm trying to relax and then I remember something:
I forgot to lock the door.
And so, for the next eight minutes I am completely freaking out. Every sound that I hear is people opening the door to my little tanning room and making fun of my chubby, naked body with THREE MONTHS WORTH OF LEG HAIR! And I couldn't get up to lock the door because I am terrified of those blue lights and what they might do to my eyes and what if I go blind and oh my god everything is awful.
And then it was over and I got dressed and left. And no one pointed, laughed, or combined the two so I think I was just imagining the public mocking. (but I will shave my legs before the next time I go. Probably.)
So, perhaps I had a point around here somewhere? Ah yes. The point is that I haven't really written about much other than knitting here, and it was because I feared the public point-and-laugh (or worse, the chasing-everyone-away). Ridiculous, really. I started this blog to join the crochet/knit/yarn community in a bigger way and it's silly to think that I could only write about yarn-related topics for the rest of my life.
If I tell the internets (or the 7 people who read this stuff) about my weight and my leg hair... I don't know what will happen. But it beats hiding behind yarn.
(oh my god, I just visualized playing hide-and-seek in a huge yarn shop. That's probably what heaven is like.)
(and did you notice the kind of (okay, a lot) cheezeball ending? Full circle, man. It's awesome.)